Loving It at Home

I haven't said much lately about the theme of this blog: learning contentment and creativity at home as a full-time wife and mother. But I hope by letting you see a little of my personal life in recent blogs, that you can ascertain how full and joyful my life is. I love being at home!

This week my husband and three children-still-at-home are spending a couple of nights at Lake of the Woods, Oregon, camping with other families and friends. I am looking forward to these days of solitude, to do some cramming--er, reading for our homeschool year to start in a week. I am excited about another year to spend learning exciting things with my two youngest children, Alexa and Caleb. Sigh. Only two left. Sounds like a breeze. But I've chosen an ambitious curricular schedule for them, much of it new to me as well as to them, so it will be a challenge. I am utilizing much of the program developed for Classical Conversations by Leigh Bortin. We will study Latin (which I have done before with Naomi) and Biology by Apologia, and good old Saxon for math. We will do a lot of memorization of facts--history timeline by Veritas, grammar facts, Bible verses, science, geography, etc.--Oh, I can hardly wait.

But I am reminded that my enthusiasm will wane as the winter months drag on, and we will probably find ourselves way behind in some things. That's okay. I can make plans, but the Lord will direct my steps. He will give me just enough time to get done just what He wants me to get done. I can rest in that assurance.

Back home from Kauai

YAY!! I made it to Hawaii and back! It was amazing. God is so good!
I can think of four factors in helping me feel better than I have in years while on Kauai Island. One, many people were praying for me, specifically for my health. Two, my husband was very attentive to my constant demands ("You need all SEVEN pillows to carry on the plane?") and he uncomplainingly carried or dragged every piece of luggage by hand, on wheels, strapped together or slung on his back and front. Three, the airlines were very willing to provide wheelchair assistance at every point in the itinerary. Four, and probably most importantly, I had all the time in the world to swim every day--usually twice a day--in the hotel pool. Ahhh!

I still dealt with pain, and was reminded of its threatening presence when we encountered one short stretch of washboard-type road which jostled my stomach and abdominal muscles badly. But I recovered quickly, and had no other stomach problems. The day we were scheduled to depart from G.P., I had a very crampy stomach, up until THE MINUTE we left. I mean, the MINUTE we were headed for the airport my stomach loosened back up. (I did take meds for that purpose and they worked well that time; they don't always, and have the side effect of dry/sore throat which is bothersome.)
Actually, there are two more reasons I may have done so well. Fifth, I had help from some of my lady-buddies from church with the packing and errands. (Mahalo, Leanne and Jen.) And sixth, the islands have the highest oxygen levels in the world, so they say; I'll have to research that to see if it's true. The air there really is wonderful. It's very humid and has a sweet smell to it.

We stayed in a hotel on the east shore (Kauai Sands) and spent most of our time exploring the north and east shores, with the final day spent on the south shore, where we would like to spend more time if we ever return.
Some highlights:
We rented a mid-size Malibu for the price of an economy car from Alamo because by the time we had stood in line for over an hour they had run out of economy cars. A nice trade-off :). (Thank you Kelly for helping us find a discounting agent.)

2. Kilauea Point Lighthouse and Wildlife Refuge
It poured monsoon-like as we walked up the trail to the lighthouse. My raincoat and John's poncho served only partial coverage. No matter. It was very warm. A little rain (or a lot) would not dampen our spirits. The cyclone Felicia that was due to hit the islands the day we arrived, downgraded quickly into just a lot of rain and wind. Mahalo, Lord! Besides the unusual sea birds, we also saw a baby bird in its burrow right by the trail. Awww...oh, and a seal on the rocks below. (Thanks, Mom for recommending binoculars for this place.)
















3. Kauai's Hindu Monastery
Quite an impressive place. The garden is admittedly peace-inducing and beautiful, the temple setting breath-taking. As we entered the building, which had a sign telling us to take our shoes off and enter with "an attitude of worship", I whispered, "We enter with hearts that worship the Lord Jesus Christ." His image was obviously not among the idols. They didn't convince us to join up (relieved?). We went away reminded of the freedom we have in Christ and the joy of coming boldly to our Heavenly Father, knowing that all the work has already been done for us.

4. 'Opaeka'a Falls
See the brown stripes in the water? That's the storm's effects: red clay dumping into the rivers and bays, resulting in very murky beaches lasting a week. These falls usually have two separate streams, but the excess waterflow united them into one big rush. There were Tropicbirds, with their long ribbonlike tails, swooping in figure eights below in the mist; very cool. (Hey, I could join the Red and Purple Hat Club now! No?)





5. Coconut Marketplace, Kapa'a
This shopping center within walking distance of our hotel is in foreclosure. Sales are down 30-40% from a year ago, and half of the spaces are vacant. I don't remember the type of wood this chair I'm sitting in is made of. Do I look like I care?

6. Eggbert's/Hula Girl Grill
I had a mouth-watering Seafood Omelette for breakfast, and Opa Fish w/ sauteed Mushrooms for dinner here, in the Coconut Marketplace. John's clam pasta was unremarkable.


7. Smith's Tropical Paradise
We splurged on one luau, and went to the "Best" one, according to The Ultimate Kauai Guidebook. (Thanks for lending it to us Kelly--it was indispensible, but is a little worse for wear :P) The Smith family's luau is located in a botanical garden and includes a tour of the garden, pig-cooked-in-a-pit-Hawaiian-style ceremony, a free shell lei, a nice dinner, and a fabulous stage show with all the traditional polynesian dances.


8. Hideaways Beach, Princeville
Finally on the sixth day we set out at 7:30am to find a beach with water clear enough for snorkeling. We tried three sites and the third try was charm. The view from the top looking down at the beach was spectacular; the makeshift trail down the cliff was not. I was afraid I would be overtired trying to climb back up; John promised he would "get" me back. I knew there was no way he could carry me up that cliff, but I went for it, and I'm glad I did. My mask kept leaking and I couldn't see without my glasses, so I gave it up, but John succeeded and delighted in coaxing a scad of tropical fishies up to his hands. He was like a kid in a candy shop under water. And he pushed me from behind, back up the cliff trail, after which I wasn't the least bit sore! Mahalo!
I was fanatical about avoiding sunburn, and wore a long-sleeved rashguard shirt for snorkeling. It worked like a champ.


9. John's beachcombing souvenir
On Kalapaki Beach (which had chocolate-brown seas), John rummaged through some driftwood for a good souvenir. He picked up a PVC corner and said, "This looks suspiciously like a PVC corner." I said, "It could be worth a couple bucks!" I was teasing, but I guess I convinced him it was worth keeping. Back at the hotel he discovered a crack in it. We threw it away, but got a picture for memory's sake.

10. Poipu and Spouting Horn
OH! The best for last! The day we were to leave we saw everything we could on the south side of the island, and what a treat it was.
The Grand Hyatt Hotel was spectacular (we had seen the Marriott in Nahwiliwili, which was on the same scale but excessively ostentatious somehow) and its water slides made John comment, "Oh the kids would love this!...I wonder how cheap a room you could get here..." Ha!!
We also had the thrill of spotting some sea turtles in the waves, and ate Puka Dogs at the Poipu shopping center, at our friend Sean's suggestion. MMM-MMM.

Then, to top it off, we saw the Spouting Horn. Wow!




In a little open-air craft fair by the Spouting Horn, John bought me a sterling silver ring for our silver anniversary. It was only $10 and probably worth every penny, but I am very pleased with it.

The return trip was cold. The plane rides to Hawaii were all hot and stuffy or normal temp, so I decided not to carry on a coat on the return flight. Big mistake. After we had already checked in our baggage and about to board in Lihue, we were told at the gate that the feds had confiscated all the airline's blankets and pillows due to the swine flu scare, and that if we wanted any wraps we should get them out and ready before boarding. By then it was too late. The 5-1/2 hour flight was FREEZING. I at least had long pants to put on; John just had his shorts and short-sleeve shirt on his back. He covered his knees with napkins and wore a Winco bag over his chest :). His one consolation was that his sunburn didn't suffer from heat. It was a nighttime flight, but we didn't sleep much.

Then we had a 10-hour layover in Portland, which was thankfully reduced to seven hours by going on standby on an earlier flight, but the PDX terminal was also FREEZING while outside it got up to nearly 100 degrees. Of course, they don't let you go outside for awhile anywhere once you're through security, so we froze--until we got to the Medford airport where it was 105 degrees outside.

I forgot to mention that we visited Kauai Reformation Church on Sunday and met some folks who were formerly from OR and CO who know mutual friends. It is a church plant of Oceanside United Reformed Church with about 40 attendees, and they have had a pastor for only two months. That afternoon, John checked out Waimea Canyon and Kalalau Valley while I rested in the hotel. He also hiked up to the top of Sleeping Giant earlier in the week.

Oh, I could go on some more, but this is probably more than you care to know. A-LOHHH-HA!

Countdown to Hawaii

Four more days! John and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary Tuesday, and God willing we will fly to Kauai that day for a week. I have been doing pretty well this week, so I am praying for the good stretch to continue right through the trip.

My biggest challenge is the travel to Hawaii. I fancied I could do this last October when I bought reservations because there would be minimal driving necessary. I think it will be easier to fly--no jostling and vibrations like road travel, and I can get up and move around--but we will see. Getting enough sleep is another big concern. We will fly back through the night and take all day for connecting flights, but then I will be home and can crash if I need to.

I also can't really be in the sun much, because it makes my candida bloom and my feet swell. Nor can I eat fruit and melons for the same reason. But I look forward to all that good fish and seafood. Yum...

On another note: This week we finally bit the bullet and decided to drill for more water on our acre. We went to 300 feet and got a little over 5 gallons per minute. Not spectacular, but better than we did have. It has certainly cut into our finances, but God has provided. Thank you Lord!

Best National News in a Long Time

This article at World Net Daily brought me much cheer as John read it to me this morning. This is such exciting news!

Now 36 states are considering taking the Tenth Amendment at its word! What a great flourish for Sarah Palin as one of her last acts as governor. State sovereignty is not secession, but it could rejuvenate our republic like nothing else will.

Alaska's resolution states:
"Be it resolved that the Alaska State Legislature hereby claims sovereignty for the state under the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States over all powers not otherwise enumerated and granted to the federal government by the Constitution of the United States.

Be it further resolved that this resolution serves as Notice and Demand to the federal government to cease and desist, effective immediately, mandates that are beyond the scope of these constitutionally delegated powers."
Now if the rest of the states will actually pass similar legislation…pray! It could mean we could take back Federally-held logging lands for Oregon and return to prosperity once again.

And once state sovereignty is established, I propose the next Declaration of Independence for the People of Oregon:
Those powers not delineated in the State Constitution to the state of Oregon are referred to The People, as given to them by their Creator God.
I’ll be the first signer! Let King Barack do what he will, my John Hancock goes there.
Arden Sleadd

To Be In The House of the Lord

I did make it to church, and shared with tears how encouraging everyone has been and what God is doing in my walk with him. It was so good!
One new-to-the-church sister who ministered to me had her baby and three sons in the car when she drove me to the Y this week. So when I saw them at church the three young boys were so solicitous to help me and pray with me. It is a rare thing for young boys to show such adult-level caring for an 51-year-old like me!
When I came home this afternoon I laid down, and actually got a three-hour nap! Hallelujah!
When I say I am "improved", it only means (at this point) that I have gotten sufficient rest and have behaved myself enough to get the pain down. It is not an indication of real improvement. But I live by faith and take it a day at a time.
And by the way, my health blog has a different address now: www.myfmsjourney.blogspot.com. I updated it last week with more details of the struggle. Have a good week all of you! God bless!

A health update

There I lay, face down on the mattress, unable to move. At least I had dried myself off. I called out to Alexa. No answer. I called out John, and he heard me. What a relief!
The Lord has been gracious to provide my husband within calling range two of the three times this has happened since Memorial Day.

So while laid up in bed I have had lots of time to read; I read Waiting for a Miracle and Trapped in Hitler’s Hell by Jan Markell. The first book is written by a woman with the same condition I have (CFS, EBV). I recommend it to anyone who wants to understand chronic illness better. It’s the first book I’ve found that gets the spiritual side of it right.
The second book about a Jew-turned-Christian in WWII helps keep my state in perspective. I live in such luxury here in our beautiful home with people who love and serve me. No one is forcing me to get up at 4 am to work in the wind or heat for 10 hours a day. I have all the medical help known to man available to me. The fact that I’m sitting up and able to type for now is good. John never complains when I need prescriptions picked up, or a back rub for the knotted muscles, or just his presence for comfort. He and the children are running the household quite well without me. I also have been sleeping better since doubling the dose of my sleeping pills, but the sleep has not been sufficiently restorative.

I can’t help but think our Hawaii anniversary trip next month will not be possible, but I’m trying to take one day at a time. I am more and more aware of God’s presence around, in and about me, sustaining my every breath. He doesn’t just know me, he permeates me with his Spirit. As long as I keep that in mind, I can hand over to Him every discouraging thought with the rejoinder, “Jesus is here and He saves now!” I have much to be thankful for.

Woman Come Home - Chapter 2

Six years ago when John and I started Covered Bridge Family Ministries, I presented an article at our first family seminar called, “Woman Come Home: My Personal Journey from Career Woman to Contented Homemaker”. You can read the article as my first entry on this blog. As the name of the article implies, I am on a journey to achieving contentment in the home; I have not arrived. I’m still a sinner. So this is sequel to that article.
I want to start off by honoring my mother today (Mother's Day). My husband and children would concur with me that Grandma Voyla is a very loving, nurturing, caring person. She has the instinct of a mother. She would love to gather the whole world under her wings like a mother hen gathers her chicks if she could. Somewhere along the line, however, this nurturing instinct was not passed on to me. I am much more task-oriented than people-oriented. My mother has said that I tended to keep my business to myself and didn’t talk much when I was younger. I believe part of the reason I didn’t turn out like her is that I didn’t have much time with her. I attended 13 years of public school, four years of college to get my teaching degree, and another year in graduate school for my masters. That’s a lot of seat-hours spent away from Mom. In addition, my mother returned to the work force when I was only four years old and my sister was two. I understand why she went back to work; she has explained to me that my father was so sparse with the praise and heavy on the criticism that, in her words, “I would have become a nothing if I’d stayed home”. So, she sought personal affirmation from the working world.
Kevin Swanson, in his article, “The Re-integrated Family and the Return of Love,” pointed out that forty years ago, when I was about ten, only about 2% of children under six were without their moms during the daytime hours. That figure is now at 64%. I was one of those 2%; my sister and I were latch-key children before such a term existed. I’m here to tell you, it was a lonely existence. When Mom came home late from work, I could tell she was too tired or distracted to go deep with me. I somehow thought that my experiences at school were my own burden to bear.
When my husband and I married, we determined that we would do things differently; I would stay home with the children. There was one big problem; I had spent my life preparing myself for the working world outside the home; my mother had modeled that paradigm for me; and I didn’t know how to be content in the home.
In my article I describe how I ended up working part-time anyway while our two eldest children were born, and how I was faced with the stark reality that I was repeating history; I had lost my daughter’s heart; and she was only two or three. Due to financial choices we had made, it took me another year or two to finally come home for good. But you see, there was still the issue of my own heart. I had also thrown myself into volunteer work. When I was home, I had found myself on the phone, cooking up more commitments. I gave prolife speeches in the high schools; I debated Planned Parenthood on the college campuses, on radio and television; I led a Concerned Women for America chapter, and was in the church choir. You see, I was still seeking strokes from the adult world, just as my mother had. Whenever I got on the phone, I noticed my children would suddenly create a crisis, interrupting me and trying to get my attention. As soon as I got off, they would settle down and be fine. They were competing with the telephone for my attentions. They knew they didn’t have my heart.
Oh, and did I mention I was in Bible Study Fellowship too? Well, that was probably my best decision. We were studying the Life of David one week, and we got to the chapter where King David shares his desire to build a temple for the Lord with the prophet Nathan. The Lord gave Nathan a message, and these words were like a sword into my heart: “(I Chronicles 17:4) Thus says the Lord: It is not you who will build me a house to dwell in…Moreover, I declare to you that I, the Lord will build you a house. When your days are fulfilled to walk with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring after, one of your own sons, and I will establish his kingdom.” When I read that, I knew beyond any doubt that these words were for me. God was saying, “All this work you are doing for me is good—the babies you’re trying to save, the church work, the political changes you’re working for—but it’s not what I have called you to do.”
Well, I argued with God. “But Lord, I’ve made all these commitments, I’ve started a new prolife council, etc. etc. I can’t afford to be flakey!” So I didn’t hear directly from the Lord anymore. But what did happen was that my health went south—fast.
In ‘92, six months after I had quit teaching and come home, I became very ill with hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia. The chronic pain and fatigue are still progressing today, seventeen years later, in spite of my visiting at least sixteen different doctors and trying dozens of treatments.
That was the same year I had started homeschooling my children. Naomi was four, Nathan was two, and I had a newborn, Aaron. (He’s graduating from high school next week.) I had thought, if I can teach other people’s children, I can certainly teach my own. But here I was, getting sick and sicker. I wanted desperately to do right by my children—to give them my best, my all—and now I didn’t know if I’d have the strength.
It has been and still is a struggle. When I am in pain, I tend to be more stressed and irritable. I will push myself through the pain, and deal too harshly with the children. They often don’t know what In the world is wrong with Mom. Sometimes I don’t know myself. Then when the pain lifts temporarily, I feel so much better that I tend to be aggressive, trying to catch up for lost time. My husband has often said, “You must be feeling better. You’re getting feisty again.” There were some years when I was so debilitated by the pain that John stepped in and put four of our children in public school. (Caleb was still preschool-age, so I kept him and taught him at home, by hook and by crook.) Those were the darkest four years of my life. The constant pain, along with my sense of failure and uselessness, caused a lot of deep depression. We soon realized we were losing all our children’s hearts in a hurry, and John finally came to the conclusion that if necessary, he would homeschool them himself while working fulltime, and he brought them back home. I was so relieved.
I have found various ways to keep going, managing the household and homeschooling my five children. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I haven’t time share the details of our curricular methods.
Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” I have learned that my greatest gift from God—my greatest treasure—is my life, and my life is measured in time. The greatest treasure I have to give my children is my time. And though it’s a struggle even now to give them my heart, because of my past choices, I know God will honor His promises and raise up my children to build a house on a sure foundation that will last forever.
Two words of advice I have for mothers and young ladies aspiring to be mothers.
1. Guard your heart.
2. Give up your rights.
We women must guard our own hearts from being seduced by the world’s voices that say it’s more satisfying out there, away from home, than it is being at home with our children. We must guard the way we spend our time, choosing activities that will help us be content with the limitless possibilities that await us in our own homes. Then we can more effectively guard our children’s hearts from the influences of the world that continually call out to them.
And we must give up our right, to have control of our time, and our right to adult companionship. Jesus said, “He who seeks to save his life shall lose it; but he who seeks to lose his life for my sake shall find it.” There is indeed great joy awaiting us if we seek his kingdom first, and all these things shall be added to us.
Now the leaders and founders of Household of Faith Community Church say that we are not a homeschool church. We are a parental discipleship church. I take that to mean whatever model works best for parents to maximize the time they spend with their children in order to make them their primary disciples, that’s the schooling model they should choose. I admit I am not without bias; I think the superior model for discipling children is through homeschooling them. I can’t think of a better way to have the most and best of your time with your children than to homeschool them. Our primary reason is relational. Elizabeth Smith wrote an article called “10 Reasons to Homeschool Teens”. Her #1 reason is: “Cement family relationships. Relationships are the most important thing in family life. When teens are away from home for six to eight hours a day, subtle changes begin to erode relationships at home. Divided allegiance or “serving two masters” can shake their foundation. THE RESULT IS DIMINISHED FAMILY TIES AND PARENTAL INFLUENCE.” She also says, “Age/grade isolation or segregation inhibits socialization.” This was certainly our experience.
Are you making your children your primary disciples? Do you have their heart? Do they have yours?
I often ask myself that question and wonder. I have indeed come a long way, through God’s severe mercy upon me, in re-prioritizing my time, but I often have a hunch that if I weren’t still sick, I would be saying yes to too many “good” options to fill my time, which would divert my attention and energies away from my children, and now my grandchildren. I would love to be taking on tutoring students, or teaching this class or leading that women’s bible study or discussion group. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t picture myself doing such things. And then reality sets in and I must tell myself “no”. I can say, however, that I am very content in my own home now. I do wish I could practice more hospitality there. The hardest part is saying no to John, who I’m sure is disappointed that I don’t have guests over very often. I only know God must have his reasons. I also God will heal me, someday. The only question is, when?