Review: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debbie Pearl

It's been over a year since I finally read this book, so I can look back and say it has made a big difference in my marriage!  Created to be His Help Meet by Deb Pearl is a hard-hitter, pulling no punches when it comes to confronting the most common excuses we come up with as wives to justify our poor attitudes towards our husbands.

The most impacting statement in the book that has stuck with me is "You are not your husband's conscience!" That was like a sword to my heart. Here all along I thought I was his conscience, and didn't realize it! That realization alone helped me to back way off on pronouncements about my husband's plans, his time management, etc.  I realize they are not for me to correct or change. He is following the Lord, and the Lord will lead him or not, but it's not my game.

I have often tried to protect our family from lack of attention and time on his part, to a fault. Rather than ask questions, I have made pronouncements and judgements. Of course they were not well-received due to the spirit with which I made them. While there are some things I would still like to change, I am so deeply in love with my husband, who for 27 years has faithfully provided for me and has never been at lack for a well-paying job; who has stood by my side through 20 years of illness; who has aggressively led our family in spiritual endeavors and fun-filled adventures. Who am I to complain?

Deb Pearl has pointed out that a man's basic needs really are not so much to whine about. He just wants warm food for his belly, warm clothes for his back, and a warm partner in bed. Is it really so much to ask?

Pearl also addresses the hyper-spiritualizing trends among women today which are not grounded in scripture, calling it the spirit of Jezebel. She paints our lives as women in very practical, down-to-earth terms. Those women who aspire to great heights of spirituality are causing their own discontentment, when a few minutes a day of prayer and Bible study should be sufficient. Grow up, move on, give your man good sex, he's not a pervert. (She also addresses perversion where it is real.) What is the essence of being a true helpmeet if it is not to actually help?

There is one caveat I would offer. Some of her micro-descriptions of male types don't quite ring true. Take them for what they're worth. Her general observations on types are helpful if you don't carry them too far; they are, after all, generalizations.

There is more excellent advice on modesty, childcare, cooking, etc. On the whole, Created to Be His Help Meet is a keeper worth multiple frequent readings and may in time be regarded as a classic in Christian literature. While the issues addressed are especially relevant to our day, those issues have tempted and plagued women throughout history.

Nathan's Wedding

It's been a month since my son Nathan was married to Colleen McMurray. The new Mr. and Mrs. Sleadd came home from their honeymoon two weeks later and found out she was pregnant! They had hoped for such a result. YippEE!! I realize it's a shock to the sensibilities of some folks that two people getting married might want to start their family right away, but I have said to my children: If you're not ready for a family, you're not ready to get married! It is quite different advice than we received when John and I married, and we thought we needed to "wait" since that was the prevailing wisdom, after all, "You need some time for just the two of you". My answer to that now is, "Well, they always get nine months!"
With our children following the courtship model, and their dad doing his job, they known their future spouses from the get-go much better than most marrying couples do nowadays. We help them determine if they are ready financially and spiritually, so when all lights are green, we say, "You're ready for children!" So far, our two married children, Naomi and Nathan, are following our advice. Naomi is expecting #2. I'll have two more grandchildren in 2009. What a lot of fun!

For pictures of the wedding see Alexa's blog: mylifecompiled.blogspot.com.

Population problem misread from start

Here is an article I submitted to my local newspaper as a guest editorial. They published it Friday the 13th :).

Population “Bomb” May Not Be What You Think

By Arden Sleadd

Is the human race the “global equivalent of a swarm of locusts destroying and devouring everything in its path”, as one writer to the Courier described? I wonder, does she live in Oregon? When I look out my window I see towering 100-foot pine and fir trees between my neighbor’s acre and mine. No visions of swarming locusts, that.

Population growth has been getting a bad rap. Paul Erlich popularized the Malthusian theory that population would exceed the earth’s sustainability with his 1968 book, The Population Bomb, and since then environmentally-conscious folks have regarded humans as weeds, consumers and destroyers. Never mind the fact that nearly every prediction made in Erlich’s book failed to come true. Most notably, the “hundreds of millions of people” he predicted would die of starvation due to overpopulation in the 1970s and ‘80s, didn’t. Still, the overpopulation myth has become so embedded in our thinking that any facts to the contrary are ignored.

While it is true that population has grown more in the last century than at any other time, this is more a result of longer life spans than of high birth rates. Quality of life has improved, food production has improved (also defying Erlich’s predictions) and people are generally healthier. This is a good thing. However, it is also true that the number of children in the population has been steadily dropping. We are aging at a precipitious rate. The implications are not pretty.

While an educator, I first heard about the world’s “birth dearth” in 1988. This very real trend, also dubbed the Demographic Winter, has been gaining steam for at least three decades.

I quote from the website www.demographicwinter.com: “Worldwide, birthrates have been halved in the past 50 years. There are now 59 nations, 44% of the world’s population, with below-replacement fertility. Sometime in this century, the world’s population will begin to decline. At a certain point, the decline will become rapid. We may even reach population free-fall in our lifetimes. For some countries, population decline is already a reality. Russia is losing three-quarters-of-a-million people a year. The term ‘nuclear winter,’ popularized in the 1980s, alluded to the catastrophic environmental impact of a nuclear war. The long-term consequences of a demographic winter could be equally devastating.” (emphasis added)

Imagine a world in which 80% of the population is in retirement age, and 20% are working or in childhood. Imagine hospitals and nursing homes bursting at the seams with old people, and not enough young doctors and CNAs to care for them. Imagine thousands of old people dying in their beds and left there for days or weeks because there is so few people remaining to carry them out, or who even know they’re dead. Imagine the rampant disease that would result. Imagine ghost-towns full of McMansions going back to the coyotes. The population bomb is coming, but it may not play out the way you think.

One letter to the Courier has attempted to paint population growth as analogous to lily-pad reproduction. Since it actually takes two humans to produce one new one, this analogy presumes a human birth-rate at a constant of 4.0, or double the replacement rate, along with a death rate of zero. The truth is that population growth has proven to be linear, not exponential. The U.S. fertility rate is currently only 2.1, or just enough to maintain our current population. Western Europe’s birth rates are much more dismal—Italy is at 1.2, Spain at 1.1, and so it goes. The governments of these countries are very worried, and are offering large sums to induce women to have more children. Few are taking the carrot.

Recent data shows the primary culprit of resource waste has not been overpopulation, but family breakdown. Divorce causes one household to become two, resulting in more capital destruction and consumption, to the tune of $112 billion a year, according to a recent study. If we really care about being “green”, we could start by keeping our love alive and our marriages intact.

Not all humans behave alike. While some are over-consumers, most people learn to produce or contribute at least as much as they consume over their lifetimes. The key is training our young people to be responsible and caring, and the onus is on parents to be diligent in their training.

How should we be truly “green”? 1. Get married and stay married. 2. Have children (at least four, to make up for lost time). 3. If it’s too late for you, adopt a few. 4. Devote your life to loving and training your children (and grandchildren) to be good stewards of our planet. 5. Treat flora, fauna, and humans alike with kindness, and 6. Work sacrificially for those who cared for you.

It may not be the easy road, but it is the high road. The future of our civilization depends on it.

Arden Sleadd is a home-educator, mother of five, grandmother of one, and former school teacher. Her blog is womancomehome.blogspot.com. She and her husband founded Covered Bridge Family Ministries (www.coveredbridgefm.org). They reside in Grants Pass, OR.