It's been over a year since I finally read this book, so I can look back and say it has made a big difference in my marriage! Created to be His Help Meet by Deb Pearl is a hard-hitter, pulling no punches when it comes to confronting the most common excuses we come up with as wives to justify our poor attitudes towards our husbands.
The most impacting statement in the book that has stuck with me is "You are not your husband's conscience!" That was like a sword to my heart. Here all along I thought I was his conscience, and didn't realize it! That realization alone helped me to back way off on pronouncements about my husband's plans, his time management, etc. I realize they are not for me to correct or change. He is following the Lord, and the Lord will lead him or not, but it's not my game.
I have often tried to protect our family from lack of attention and time on his part, to a fault. Rather than ask questions, I have made pronouncements and judgements. Of course they were not well-received due to the spirit with which I made them. While there are some things I would still like to change, I am so deeply in love with my husband, who for 27 years has faithfully provided for me and has never been at lack for a well-paying job; who has stood by my side through 20 years of illness; who has aggressively led our family in spiritual endeavors and fun-filled adventures. Who am I to complain?
Deb Pearl has pointed out that a man's basic needs really are not so much to whine about. He just wants warm food for his belly, warm clothes for his back, and a warm partner in bed. Is it really so much to ask?
Pearl also addresses the hyper-spiritualizing trends among women today which are not grounded in scripture, calling it the spirit of Jezebel. She paints our lives as women in very practical, down-to-earth terms. Those women who aspire to great heights of spirituality are causing their own discontentment, when a few minutes a day of prayer and Bible study should be sufficient. Grow up, move on, give your man good sex, he's not a pervert. (She also addresses perversion where it is real.) What is the essence of being a true helpmeet if it is not to actually help?
There is one caveat I would offer. Some of her micro-descriptions of male types don't quite ring true. Take them for what they're worth. Her general observations on types are helpful if you don't carry them too far; they are, after all, generalizations.
There is more excellent advice on modesty, childcare, cooking, etc. On the whole, Created to Be His Help Meet is a keeper worth multiple frequent readings and may in time be regarded as a classic in Christian literature. While the issues addressed are especially relevant to our day, those issues have tempted and plagued women throughout history.
Showing posts with label woman as helper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label woman as helper. Show all posts
Friday, February 17, 2012
Friday, March 19, 2010
A New Song: God Made Me A Helper (To the tune of I Love You A Bushel and A Peck)
God made me
A Helper-to-Be
A Helper-to-Be
For my family
My mom and daddy
and I can start right now
To please the Lord,
He'll give me strength somehow
I'll start now
To please God
Right now
Doodle-oodle-oodle
Doodle-oodle-oodle
A cheerful Helper I will be!
Just a simple little song for the younger girls at our mother-daughter tea. Listen to the original tune here, done by a cute couple of girl friends in nice harmony.
A Helper-to-Be
A Helper-to-Be
For my family
My mom and daddy
and I can start right now
To please the Lord,
He'll give me strength somehow
I'll start now
To please God
Right now
Doodle-oodle-oodle
Doodle-oodle-oodle
A cheerful Helper I will be!
Just a simple little song for the younger girls at our mother-daughter tea. Listen to the original tune here, done by a cute couple of girl friends in nice harmony.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Woman's Calling: Helper Part 2
My friend and elder of our church was reviewing the thoughts I wrote and suggested I add some qualifiers. I heartily agreed.
My blog should not in any way imply that our lot in life as women is to be of any less value than that of men. We are all servants of the Most High God. We as Christians are bond-servants of Christ whether male or female. SO we stand equal before God. We have the same access to the Holy Spirit and His gifts. We are just as intelligent and capable as men. We are called help-meets because we are comparable to the men we help. However, we do fill different roles and operate in different spheres of influence. We manifest our service to Christ differently. Just as Paul writes that "one plants a seed, another waters, but God causes the growth", so it is that God has called men and women to fill various roles in spreading the gospel and producing godly offspring.
This is the complementarian view of gender, as opposed to the egalitarian view, which denies any differences between men and women with respect to their roles or even their physicality, as well as their relative value. Those who hold the complementarian view of scripture include Philip Lancaster, Douglas Wilson, John Piper, Wayne Grudem, and Douglas Phillips. A growing number of evangelicals are adopting an egalitarian (mis)interpretation of scripture. It is important that we understand these concepts and are firmly grounded in our understanding if we are to be following God's will as women. For more information on the topic see Desiring God Ministry's website here.
My blog should not in any way imply that our lot in life as women is to be of any less value than that of men. We are all servants of the Most High God. We as Christians are bond-servants of Christ whether male or female. SO we stand equal before God. We have the same access to the Holy Spirit and His gifts. We are just as intelligent and capable as men. We are called help-meets because we are comparable to the men we help. However, we do fill different roles and operate in different spheres of influence. We manifest our service to Christ differently. Just as Paul writes that "one plants a seed, another waters, but God causes the growth", so it is that God has called men and women to fill various roles in spreading the gospel and producing godly offspring.
This is the complementarian view of gender, as opposed to the egalitarian view, which denies any differences between men and women with respect to their roles or even their physicality, as well as their relative value. Those who hold the complementarian view of scripture include Philip Lancaster, Douglas Wilson, John Piper, Wayne Grudem, and Douglas Phillips. A growing number of evangelicals are adopting an egalitarian (mis)interpretation of scripture. It is important that we understand these concepts and are firmly grounded in our understanding if we are to be following God's will as women. For more information on the topic see Desiring God Ministry's website here.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Woman's Calling: Helper
I have been praying and thinking about hosting a mother-daughter tea and wondering what I should share as a devotional. God is giving me a whole bunch of good tidbits to share. Now I need to organize them. For now here is a tidbit.
Women were created to be helpers--a comparable help-mate for her man. See Genesis 1. The Holy Spirit is called the Paraclete, which is Greek for Helper. So we women are a type of the Third Person of the Trinity in that we are also helpers. If even Almighty God is called our Helper, should we then feel demeaned by such a title?
What are some characteristics of the Holy Spirit that we can emulate?
1. He does not seek His own glory, but that of another. When the name of Jesus Christ is exalted, the Holy Spirit is at work. The Holy Spirit operates by the motto "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30)
2. He helps by providing the support, the strength, the power necessary for others to flourish.
3. He works almost secretively, in cognito. His effective work is often mistaken for that of another, often human, agent. Yet He is okay with that, for He does not seek His own glory. "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." (John 3:8)
Doesn't this describe well our condition as home-centered women? We often work to assist our husbands so they can flourish in the marketplace or civic circle. Yet we do not get a lot of credit for it. Our names are "lost" in that of our husbands when we take on their surname. In earlier days a woman would even give up her first name in public by signing "Mrs. John Smith". Douglas Wilson, in his book Reforming Marriage, points out that this practice was rooted in a biblical understanding of a wife's role as helper. It rubs most of us the wrong way today, steeped as we are in egalitarian thought.
SO we must ask ourselves the hard questions: am I willing to give up my identity for the sake of my husband's name? Do I love him enough to lose myself in him? Am I willing to focus on his needs more than my own, and break my back for his benefit?
This is no more than what Christ did for me: "7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Phil. 2) Can I do any less?
Mr. Wilson also points out that a man's calling is defined by what type of occupation he chooses, while a woman's calling is defined more by the particular man she is called to help. Not what she does, but who she helps.
A woman's activities are not limited to the home; nor are they narrow in scope and aspect. She can help her husband with his occupation; if she is widowed, she can fill the shoes he emptied, for her continued support. She can consider a field and buy it, and steward it to bring him and her children greater wealth.
If a woman goes to work for another man or woman, however, she needs to consider--is she helping her own husband to flourish, or is another man benefiting more from her help?
Women were created to be helpers--a comparable help-mate for her man. See Genesis 1. The Holy Spirit is called the Paraclete, which is Greek for Helper. So we women are a type of the Third Person of the Trinity in that we are also helpers. If even Almighty God is called our Helper, should we then feel demeaned by such a title?
What are some characteristics of the Holy Spirit that we can emulate?
1. He does not seek His own glory, but that of another. When the name of Jesus Christ is exalted, the Holy Spirit is at work. The Holy Spirit operates by the motto "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30)
2. He helps by providing the support, the strength, the power necessary for others to flourish.
3. He works almost secretively, in cognito. His effective work is often mistaken for that of another, often human, agent. Yet He is okay with that, for He does not seek His own glory. "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." (John 3:8)
Doesn't this describe well our condition as home-centered women? We often work to assist our husbands so they can flourish in the marketplace or civic circle. Yet we do not get a lot of credit for it. Our names are "lost" in that of our husbands when we take on their surname. In earlier days a woman would even give up her first name in public by signing "Mrs. John Smith". Douglas Wilson, in his book Reforming Marriage, points out that this practice was rooted in a biblical understanding of a wife's role as helper. It rubs most of us the wrong way today, steeped as we are in egalitarian thought.
SO we must ask ourselves the hard questions: am I willing to give up my identity for the sake of my husband's name? Do I love him enough to lose myself in him? Am I willing to focus on his needs more than my own, and break my back for his benefit?
This is no more than what Christ did for me: "7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Phil. 2) Can I do any less?
Mr. Wilson also points out that a man's calling is defined by what type of occupation he chooses, while a woman's calling is defined more by the particular man she is called to help. Not what she does, but who she helps.
A woman's activities are not limited to the home; nor are they narrow in scope and aspect. She can help her husband with his occupation; if she is widowed, she can fill the shoes he emptied, for her continued support. She can consider a field and buy it, and steward it to bring him and her children greater wealth.
If a woman goes to work for another man or woman, however, she needs to consider--is she helping her own husband to flourish, or is another man benefiting more from her help?
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